Establishing a Plumbline in the Hearts of God's People
Your Subtitle text
Samalyn Cudek-Dougherty
How I came to Plumbline is a long winding pathway filled with the
good[God], the bad[situations], and the ugly[my humanness]. I did learn
that God does work all things for good according to His purpose.
I was raised in a family characterized by neglect, abandonment, and fear. My job was to keep my two younger sisters out of trouble and keep the family peace. A difficult task to manage when your world is full of rage, betrayal, and resentment between your parents. You are the last to be kicked because there is no dog. Little did I realize how much this history would affect my abilities as an adult to select and maintain healthy relationships without manipulation and masked behavior. I became so confused that finally I didn't know where or if the real me existed.
I tried to do all the "right" things and was an expert at being who I thought you wanted me to be.
I had lived all my life in a world of secrets and pretend. This was successful for a period of time.
But God had another plan.
I went as far away as I could for college ending up at UNM in Albuquerque New Mexico. I graduated with a double major and triple minor in Latin American Studies and Political Science continuing on to receive a Masters Degree in International Affairs. Again, I was successful at being a human "doing" instead of a human being. I still struggle with that challenge today. I married and had two boys, John Samuel[Jake] and Jarred. They did not come with instruction manuals. I cried as I realized how ill prepared I was to be a good parent. To further complicate my inadequacies, my husband at the time was sent to prison. He received divorce as his final punishment from me for his personal failures. So I was on my own once again or so I thought.
On the eve of John's entering prison, I had a direct encounter with God in my back yard. As I cried out to Him to please give me a job so I can stay home with my boys who were 18 months and almost 3. I bargained with God that I would then give Him my life and serve Him. Little did I know what that would entail-a lifetime of learning and refinement and not using my preferred methods for personal change. The next day I received a call from a lady who had returned to Albuquerque after serving as Treasurer of the United States. She wanted to know if I would be interested in catering functions for her in her new bank position. Soup To Nuts Catering was born. Over the years, I was able to serve people who I had never thought I would even meet and I was able to stay home with my children. This could only be God.
In that same eventful week, three people came to my door and invited me to a local church where I began attending. I sang in the choir. I was active in the Singles ministry. I eventually led a Sunday School class, led a Single's home group and facilitated area Singles conferences. Oh yes. those folks who came to my door, I became one of them by completing Evangelism Explosion. I thought I was doing a great job of repaying God for His help. All the while, I was making every mistake in which a single woman can indulge herself. Another holdover from the past-looking for love in all the wrong places. I lived in a special place called denial in my personal life while being successful on the business side. Things were beginning to unravel as I neglected to balance my checkbook and underestimated drive time for appointments resulting in lots of unhappiness. I couldn't keep everyone happy. I was dancing as fast as I could so I set myself up to fail. Again, an old coping behavior from the past.
After 6 years of catering and event planning, I sold the business and moved to Bartlesville, Oklahoma thru another encounter with God. I thought,"Sure, I will just move there and start another catering company. As the headquarters of Phillips Petroleum, they can afford me. This all makes sense to me."
But God had another plan.
This was the beginning of the trial by fire or purification. I dutifully sent out my introduction letters with excellent recommendation letters from the rich and famous and then nearly starved
to death for the next three years. Again, I cried out to the God of miracles and He answered. I was to do what He instructed me to do and He would supply all my needs[not wants] thru His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus. He was faithful to His promise and I began to live life more honestly. I learned the difference between needs and wants, what living in community looks like, and morally, I decided that my "picker was broken" and God would have to pick for me. I was going to be content with raising my children. In came the man who was to become my husband and best friend, Bill, 20 years later who happened to also be our pediatrician, but we were only going to be friends as marriage was not on our radar.
Thru God's grace, my children survived me. I was a student of parenting and everything else. If I didn't know what to do, I found a book or a class to help. This time, I was the human knowing, not the human being.The boys did grow up. Each had some struggles with drugs and complained of being brought up in an Army Camp. Today, they are awesome individuals married to my also awesome daughters-in-law, Mariah and Laura. Nathan, my only grandson, came as part of Jarred's package deal with Laura. Jake's home is in Santa Fe, NM and Jarred lives in Owasso. They are a testimony of God's grace and knowledge about who they were to become. God made sure they each had the opportunity to attend college which for me was another miracle.
All along, God provided people who came along side and helped me learn the next step and fill in the many gaps in my history. I didn't always recognize who they were at the time. In retrospect, I can truly say that God works all things for good, according to His purpose in Christ Jesus even if the circumstances are unpleasant at the time. You do have value and He has a purpose for each life.
So, how did I end up as a Plumbline intern. Bill and I needed pre-marital counseling. Sue Merrill, a counselor at Plumbline and a member of our church home group, volunteered. I began to take classes at Plumbline as Sue begin to individually help me look at my personal challenges that pending marriage had caused to surface. I had a deep anger towards my mother who did not rescue me from my dad's abuse. I wished her dead. Thru Plumbline counseling in its many forms, I was able to walk the journey of forgiveness using what I had learned just in time. I chose to go to court and become her guardian within a few months. I believe God kept her on earth for 100 years so I could have that opportunity to enjoy her. I have always had a heart for single women and began an accountability group with some graduates of "Boundaries" class at Plumbline which became Wisdom Seekers. I now co-lead that group with 2 other interns from Plumbline. I have always looked for new tools, so I completed Soul Care Training in 2009 and continue to audit. My desire is to continue to be part of a team that offers quality Christian counseling to people who are desperate for it and the roadblock is affording the investment in oneself. I remember that desperation all too well!
I was raised in a family characterized by neglect, abandonment, and fear. My job was to keep my two younger sisters out of trouble and keep the family peace. A difficult task to manage when your world is full of rage, betrayal, and resentment between your parents. You are the last to be kicked because there is no dog. Little did I realize how much this history would affect my abilities as an adult to select and maintain healthy relationships without manipulation and masked behavior. I became so confused that finally I didn't know where or if the real me existed.
I tried to do all the "right" things and was an expert at being who I thought you wanted me to be.
I had lived all my life in a world of secrets and pretend. This was successful for a period of time.
But God had another plan.
I went as far away as I could for college ending up at UNM in Albuquerque New Mexico. I graduated with a double major and triple minor in Latin American Studies and Political Science continuing on to receive a Masters Degree in International Affairs. Again, I was successful at being a human "doing" instead of a human being. I still struggle with that challenge today. I married and had two boys, John Samuel[Jake] and Jarred. They did not come with instruction manuals. I cried as I realized how ill prepared I was to be a good parent. To further complicate my inadequacies, my husband at the time was sent to prison. He received divorce as his final punishment from me for his personal failures. So I was on my own once again or so I thought.
On the eve of John's entering prison, I had a direct encounter with God in my back yard. As I cried out to Him to please give me a job so I can stay home with my boys who were 18 months and almost 3. I bargained with God that I would then give Him my life and serve Him. Little did I know what that would entail-a lifetime of learning and refinement and not using my preferred methods for personal change. The next day I received a call from a lady who had returned to Albuquerque after serving as Treasurer of the United States. She wanted to know if I would be interested in catering functions for her in her new bank position. Soup To Nuts Catering was born. Over the years, I was able to serve people who I had never thought I would even meet and I was able to stay home with my children. This could only be God.
In that same eventful week, three people came to my door and invited me to a local church where I began attending. I sang in the choir. I was active in the Singles ministry. I eventually led a Sunday School class, led a Single's home group and facilitated area Singles conferences. Oh yes. those folks who came to my door, I became one of them by completing Evangelism Explosion. I thought I was doing a great job of repaying God for His help. All the while, I was making every mistake in which a single woman can indulge herself. Another holdover from the past-looking for love in all the wrong places. I lived in a special place called denial in my personal life while being successful on the business side. Things were beginning to unravel as I neglected to balance my checkbook and underestimated drive time for appointments resulting in lots of unhappiness. I couldn't keep everyone happy. I was dancing as fast as I could so I set myself up to fail. Again, an old coping behavior from the past.
After 6 years of catering and event planning, I sold the business and moved to Bartlesville, Oklahoma thru another encounter with God. I thought,"Sure, I will just move there and start another catering company. As the headquarters of Phillips Petroleum, they can afford me. This all makes sense to me."
But God had another plan.
This was the beginning of the trial by fire or purification. I dutifully sent out my introduction letters with excellent recommendation letters from the rich and famous and then nearly starved
to death for the next three years. Again, I cried out to the God of miracles and He answered. I was to do what He instructed me to do and He would supply all my needs[not wants] thru His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus. He was faithful to His promise and I began to live life more honestly. I learned the difference between needs and wants, what living in community looks like, and morally, I decided that my "picker was broken" and God would have to pick for me. I was going to be content with raising my children. In came the man who was to become my husband and best friend, Bill, 20 years later who happened to also be our pediatrician, but we were only going to be friends as marriage was not on our radar.
Thru God's grace, my children survived me. I was a student of parenting and everything else. If I didn't know what to do, I found a book or a class to help. This time, I was the human knowing, not the human being.The boys did grow up. Each had some struggles with drugs and complained of being brought up in an Army Camp. Today, they are awesome individuals married to my also awesome daughters-in-law, Mariah and Laura. Nathan, my only grandson, came as part of Jarred's package deal with Laura. Jake's home is in Santa Fe, NM and Jarred lives in Owasso. They are a testimony of God's grace and knowledge about who they were to become. God made sure they each had the opportunity to attend college which for me was another miracle.
All along, God provided people who came along side and helped me learn the next step and fill in the many gaps in my history. I didn't always recognize who they were at the time. In retrospect, I can truly say that God works all things for good, according to His purpose in Christ Jesus even if the circumstances are unpleasant at the time. You do have value and He has a purpose for each life.
So, how did I end up as a Plumbline intern. Bill and I needed pre-marital counseling. Sue Merrill, a counselor at Plumbline and a member of our church home group, volunteered. I began to take classes at Plumbline as Sue begin to individually help me look at my personal challenges that pending marriage had caused to surface. I had a deep anger towards my mother who did not rescue me from my dad's abuse. I wished her dead. Thru Plumbline counseling in its many forms, I was able to walk the journey of forgiveness using what I had learned just in time. I chose to go to court and become her guardian within a few months. I believe God kept her on earth for 100 years so I could have that opportunity to enjoy her. I have always had a heart for single women and began an accountability group with some graduates of "Boundaries" class at Plumbline which became Wisdom Seekers. I now co-lead that group with 2 other interns from Plumbline. I have always looked for new tools, so I completed Soul Care Training in 2009 and continue to audit. My desire is to continue to be part of a team that offers quality Christian counseling to people who are desperate for it and the roadblock is affording the investment in oneself. I remember that desperation all too well!